The homework ritual starts in the car.
Me: What have you got tonight?
Daniel: Nothing
Jamie: I’ll need to check.
Me: Daniel, you can’t have nothing again. You’ve got GCSEs this year.
Daniel: I’ve done it at school
I let this ride for the moment and turn to Jamie.
Me: You can’t need to check every time I ask?
Jamie: I don’t remember otherwise. I’ve got it written down, Mum, honest.
I let this one ride too as I know that unless I am standing over him as he turns every page of his planner, I won’t get an answer. And for the next eight miles, this isn’t the moment.
Round one of homework concluded, the negotiations start. They’ve decided before I pick them up who is most likely to be in favour at the moment and today Jamie kicks off.
Jamie: Is it a Costa Day today?
Me: No.
Daniel: Why not?
Me: Why should it be?
Jamie: Cos we’re hungry
Daniel: And we’ve been working hard all day
Me: Ha!
Their injured innocence as I question this fills the car and they let it squeeze against me, giving me enough time to feel guilty before they try another tack.
Daniel: How about a bun then? From the baker?
Me: Big sigh
Jamie: Is that a yes?
Me: Bigger sigh
Daniel: We haven’t had one for ages
Me: No, not since I put one in your lunch box this morning
Daniel: That doesn’t count
Me: Well, I might as well leave it out then and save it till after school
Jamie: No, it does count, Mum
Silence from Daniel whilst he decides what to try next.
Daniel: Well, can we go tomorrow then?
Me: Maybe
Unfortunately they never forget a maybe and they mostly manage to convert them in their favour. But whilst they’re trying to be nice to me, I put on the homework record again.
Me: We’re not going to go if you’ve got any homework left
Jamie: Yes Mum.
Me: Even the stuff that’s not for tomorrow
Daniel: ‘kay.
Jamie: So is that a yes then?
Me: Maybe
And we all keep quiet for the rest of the journey, knowing it is.
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