No touching?

I'm struggling to get right the teenage contact rules.  At 16, touching is now forbidden with Daniel, without prior invitation, such as:

Daniel:    Can you brush the cat hair off me?

Me:         Sure

Instead he lavishes what used to be my affection on the cat who clings around his neck like a collar and flares her claws at me if I go near.

At 14, Jamie, is the opposite.  He will use an implement to move the cat from his bed rather than touch her, and screeches if she brushes against him.  When he hangs around my computer it’s always:

Jamie:    Can I sit on your lap?

Me:         No

Jamie:    Why not?

Me:         You’re bigger than me and too heavy

Jamie:    You’re heavier

Grit my teeth at the truth and think you’ll miss this when he no longer wants to.  When Jamie sits next to me, it’s still okay to have my arm part way round him and neither of us even notice.  If I did this with Daniel he would be as appalled as if I’d turned up naked for a school parent’s evening.

Yet Jamie is the one who was horrified when I told him one of my friend’s had said he was quite good looking.

Jamie:    Isn’t that sick Mum?

Me:         No, she was just commenting

Jamie:    But why would she do that?

I have no answer that will make sense to him, as he totters within teenage no man’s land.  At his age, appearance is all to do with attraction and admiration can never be objective.  If you like the way they look, you must fancy them and don’t bother saying you don’t, because no one will believe you.  

The only way past this is to gain about thirty years. Or get married.  But neither's guaranteed.