Evil schemes and plots

Jamie’s decreed that today should be dedicated to evil schemes and plots. 

Me:         What d’you have in mind?

Jamie:    Locking the doors and keeping Daniel out

Me:         Is that it?

Probably shouldn’t encourage him to think more dastardly but wonder if I should worry that evil doings are not yet at The Beano level.

Their fight last night peaked with biscuits.  Not your obvious weapon of choice, but remember The Princess and The Pea?  Well, instead of a pea in the bedding, think biscuit crumbs and I know you’ll be squirming. 

Jamie placed four crumbs between Daniel’s sheets, whereupon Daniel retaliated by loading Jamie's bed with half a packet of pulverised digestives.  Jamie’s bed looked like a gravel pit, but I was relieved Daniel hadn’t had the time to prepare for this properly with jaffa cakes or jammie dodgers.

Unfortunately, I was the one to discover the other booby trap, a door handle smeared with something brown and squidgy.  Whilst I thought Cell Block H and raised hand to nose in great fear, there was no aroma and so Daniel is still living. 

Transpires, digestives also good crushed and mixed with water to form door handle paste.  But it demonstrates a certain innocence.

Should I tell them that their grandfather used to catch adders and post them to London Zoo?  Or that their eldest uncle broke stink bombs over their mother when I didn't do his bidding?  Or even how their middle uncle came to stab youngest uncle in foot with machete in a game of chicken?

Maybe better to continue stocking cupboards with biscuits for weapons of mass deconstruction and be grateful.